I don’t know what to do or do I? I struggle with this feeling of loneliness and solitude. I want to scream from the highest point and rip out this feeling; this overwhelming feeling. When did this happen and why? I’m in pain. I hurt. I suffer. No medicine in this world can cure what I feel. I need you. I desire you. I want you. When did this become such a burden to me. Yes, I love myself, but I’m missing something or so I think I do. I have prayed for signs asked for smoked signals and even tried to tap into the future with no avail. I wonder when will it be my time. When is it my turn to shine. Did I ever have a time? I need company. It’s a need not a want anymore. Sharing my love, spirit, soul, and everything with the dormant piece of my soul, an entity that is me. I need to continue on this journey of self exploration, that “finding out” who I am journey. Every 5 years it is something else. Two people that admire asked me if I was feeling ok. I thought I was tired, exhausted from this damn heat, but I wasn’t. I slept I rested. I’m still exhausted… Lord, help me get through this as you have every time. It’s the heat wave that turns into the storm that reveals a way; a release. I can’t take it anymore. I want out. I want to tap out just a few seconds. But who I am, who I want to be doesn’t allow me to. So fuck it, put me through it, pressure me down, expose my vulnerabilities, teach me a lesson so that I am stronger and wiser going into this bigger blessing. Don’t know how, don’t care. I will find out as I go through. No more doubting. No more worrying. No more stressing. No more no more no more. I’m hot and bothered. This will subside I have faith that it will, it’s hard, but only I can pull myself up and clear my thoughts to navigate to better fruits. Transfer my soul to the depths of the sea and cleanse my thoughts. Erase my worries and replace them with songs of the free spirits that fly freely into the sky. Space and air is needed to exemplify my strength, potential, and soul. Never wanting to be stuck, boredom takes over and emerges me into my creativity; the next step in this so called “life”. Can’t, won’t stop, will succeed. See me now, see me later, see me when I rise. Love will set me free, will soothe my worries and replenish my being.
With love, the red fly.