I don’t know what to do or do I? I struggle with this feeling of loneliness and solitude. I want to scream from the highest point and rip out this feeling; this overwhelming feeling. When did this happen and why? I’m in pain. I hurt. I suffer. No medicine in this world can cure what I feel. I need you. I desire you. I want you. When did this become such a burden to me. Yes, I love myself, but I’m missing something or so I think I do. I have prayed for signs asked for smoked signals and even tried to tap into the future with no avail. I wonder when will it be my time. When is it my turn to shine. Did I ever have a time? I need company. It’s a need not a want anymore. Sharing my love, spirit, soul, and everything with the dormant piece of my soul, an entity that is me. I need to continue on this journey of self exploration, that “finding out” who I am journey. Every 5 years it is something else. Two people that admire asked me if I was feeling ok. I thought I was tired, exhausted from this damn heat, but I wasn’t. I slept I rested. I’m still exhausted… Lord, help me get through this as you have every time. It’s the heat wave that turns into the storm that reveals a way; a release. I can’t take it anymore. I want out. I want to tap out just a few seconds. But who I am, who I want to be doesn’t allow me to. So fuck it, put me through it, pressure me down, expose my vulnerabilities, teach me a lesson so that I am stronger and wiser going into this bigger blessing. Don’t know how, don’t care. I will find out as I go through. No more doubting. No more worrying. No more stressing. No more no more no more. I’m hot and bothered. This will subside I have faith that it will, it’s hard, but only I can pull myself up and clear my thoughts to navigate to better fruits. Transfer my soul to the depths of the sea and cleanse my thoughts. Erase my worries and replace them with songs of the free spirits that fly freely into the sky. Space and air is needed to exemplify my strength, potential, and soul. Never wanting to be stuck, boredom takes over and emerges me into my creativity; the next step in this so called “life”. Can’t, won’t stop, will succeed. See me now, see me later, see me when I rise. Love will set me free, will soothe my worries and replenish my being.
With love, the red fly.
Mmmm! I have been really good about what I eat, especially if I buy it made. I’ve come to the realization that… I can make that just as good and so I did and do. Above, is a photo of my delicious protein bars I made. The idea to make them came after I paid $2.00 for a protein bar with the same ingredients. So why pay more for less. One of my bars cost me approx. 85 cents, big savings. So if you are crafty in the kitchen, put the craft to work and save some money while making healthy eats.
Don’t know how and want easy to do recipes, comment on this post and share your healthy eats savings with me.
This photo represents me in a few, days, weeks, or months… whichever comes first. Why wait for 65 to enjoy the good things (NATURAL THINGS) of life. I am here, I am ready… show me the way and I will follow…
blah blah blah blah blah! Damn, you drive me crazy! Can I stop thinking for a moment? Morning, noon, and night, I hear… do this and that, tell this person something like this, this situation feels funky; leave. Before, I wished I could ignore it or turn it off, but something just doesn’t allow me to. Is it God, Me, or something else. My intuition for the most part is always on point, sometimes its scary. I believe it’s God’s way of protecting me and steering me to my purpose in life (for those who do not believe in God or higher power, take this post how you want to or not).
Waking up in the morning is a drag, but I absolutely LOVE the mornings. They fill me with energy and happiness. Now, getting to enjoy that time is another story. The days in which I am down in the dumps and driving myself crazy about my life and its progress, I get this flash of something happy. Then after falling asleep at 2 am, I wake up at 6 am and feel energized. Something says get up and go downstairs. Make some coffee. Open the blinds and wait for the sun to rise. Go outside and just embrace (meanwhile, my neighbors see a crazy looking woman (me) with a cup of coffee, a Donna Summer Afro and bright blue robe standing on the porch. lol).
I wonder… did I come up with this relaxing ‘session” or did God answer my pleas and showed me the “light”? I wondered a lot… then I just allowed myself to believe; no questions asked. Believing… I see the world with brand new eyes. Just as if I were blind and now I see. Emerged in the hustle and bustle of life- a life of worry, mental slavery, and being a workaholic, there was never time. Every minute was labeled “busy” and I created a victim of myself crying ‘I never have time”; bullshit. Complain. Cry. Complain. Cry. COMPLAIN. CRY! Christ!, I am tired… please help me, ’cause I feel like I can’t go on; I’m tired. The next day, I was the crazy looking woman on the porch with her coffee and out of nowhere appeared a thought; a solution.
Side bar: A positive thought with good intention is a sign, solution, what you want to called it. A negative thought is only a solution for self destruction and nothing else, remember that. What you put out ALWAYS comes back to you 10 fold, so make it count.
Peace and enjoy!
Stop and think for a moment and just think about some of the benefits of the sun.
It serves as a warm blanket for the Earth
Nourishes our body and feeds our plants.
Fills us with rays of happiness and joy.
Creates the best weather in amazing tropical places.
Now…how about that? I can feel the rays of warmth wrapped around me right now producing a warm homey feeling. I have missed my long days. I am oh so glad that we are in daylight savings time. I think it should be permanent time. I wait anxiously for the days when its 60 and above, but I’ll take 40 degree weather any day now. It’s like a warm suprise in this winter, not so bliss time. The other day it was 50 something and I was floating in the clouds. I bet lots of people went out in flip flops and shorts and thought it was summer. They get criticized…so what. It’s been a long time and any little bit you can get, you enjoy (ya’ll know that’s right with anything 😉 ) LOL. Wrong really really quick… from now on I will be using LNL to say that I am laughing and not laughing out loud like a hyena unless needed, LNL= laughing, not loud…simple. Now back to your regular programming, LNL… catching on? Good. I love, I love a whole lot of things, a whole lot of thing… Like when my cousin comes to visit and you know he’s from the South, ’cause every word he says just slides out of his mouth. I like the way he whistle and I love the way he walks, but Honey let me tell you i love the way my cousin talks…I LOVE the way my cousin talks… I love love this poem- Honey, I Love by Eloise Greenfield. It so reminds me of the summertime and having a good ol’ time. The days are passing by and we are half way through March (fingers crossed, no more snow…please and thanks big G). Until, those warm days I enjoy what I can from the Winter, it serves a purpose and I like the four seasons up here in the East. To all you that have these Winter Blues, don’t be sad be glad. Hit the gym-pump up the volume. Brew some coffee-put Folgers right in there. Have a cheat day a eat a big mac-just love it. It’s hard to think in Winter hibernation mode, but put creativity to the test, you might invent the next big small thing, LNL.
Peace, I send sunshine your way, pow!